


An outstretched hand

by viveriveniversumvivusvici55



Series: Dormouse [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Forgiveness, Formerly Tranquil Inquisitor (Dragon Age), Gen, Kinloch Hold (Dragon Age), Kirkwall (Dragon Age), Not anti-cullen, Not pro-cullen, Reconciliation, Something in the middle, Talking About Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 01:43:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21438124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viveriveniversumvivusvici55/pseuds/viveriveniversumvivusvici55
Summary: Clarice can barely stand the sight of templars. Even former ones that have been with her for most of her Tranquility.Given that he commands her army (and that she's processed some of Ferelden Circle. And Kirkwall. And trauma), that is something that needs to change.
Relationships: Female Inquisitor & Cullen Rutherford
Series: Dormouse [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1545286
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	An outstretched hand

**Author's Note:**

> This felt necessary to write. Hopefully I did it justice.
> 
> For context, Clarice was made Tranquil in Ferelden Circle. They knew each other as kids in Honnleath. He took pity on her and brought her with him to Kirkwall.

Leliana doesn’t try to discourage her from the conversation, which Clarice deeply appreciates. Too many people have tried to tell her what to do regarding her personal life, and this is a decision that she has to make. In fact, the spymaster doesn't say much. She had agreed to stand guard during this conversation, and she walks with Clarice up the stone steps to Cullen’s now-office and living quarters, her boots clicking on the stone, not saying a word. Clarice has to take two steps for every one of Leliana’s, but she keeps up in time to get to the door. Word has been passed along to the Inquisition guards on both sides not to let anyone in or go in, even if they hear anything crashing.

Clarice doubts anything will crash. She accepts the warning anyway.

Leliana stops at the door and knocks before pushing it open. Clarice hangs back, just in case.

“Yes?” Cullen asks. Clarice swallows, steeling her shoulders even at the sound of his voice. _Be brave._

“The Inquisitor would like to have a word with you,” Leliana replies. “Privately. I will be outside.”

She steps to the side and Clarice walks forward. Her headband is off, the brand bare. She isn’t in her actual armour, but she is in somewhat official wear. She needs the barrier, some form of armor to give her comfort. Her expression is stony plain, trying to steel herself for whatever will come. She walks forward, taking a position on the other side of the desk from Cullen, and stares at him. The wood between them gives her a little more confidence. 

The door swings shut behind them with an audible clang. Cullen is stony as well, all professional. It makes the hair on the back of her neck stand up on end, even if he isn't a Templar anymore. It is just the two of them now.

“Yes, Inquisitor?” He asks. "How may I be of service?"  


"Listen," she replies firmly. "That's what I ask."

He nods. "Of course."

She takes a moment to put her words together. She had rehearsed this beforehand, but somehow it all gets thrown out the window. “We went hunting for frogs once,” she says. She does what she can to let the story flow, fuzzy as it is. “The day after your birthday. You brought your mum’s best vase to put them in. You broke the vase trying to shove a large bullfrog into it. I took the fall for you and my mum made me scrub the floors.”

Everything sturdy in Cullen falls at that as he stares at her. “I didn’t tell you that.”

“No. You didn’t.” She looks at him and taps her temple. “It’s there. Fuzzy. But it’s there. I am...in more control now. Means I can actually look back without wanting to be sick.”

His face twists at that, pity for a moment crossing his face. “Clarice-”

“No pity. Please,” she glares at him slightly. “You’ve pitied me most of the time we’ve known each other.”

He looks startled. “It wasn’t like that!”

“Then why did you keep me around?” She snaps back. Well, it’s not quite a snap. She is far too blank for it to truly have bite. “The poor little Tranquil, framed for blood magic, who you had follow you like a puppy?”

“Because you were my friend!”

“ _ Friends protect each other _ .”

Her voice is soft, she tries so hard not to shout it, but she feels it snap out of her mouth anyway. The sentence hangs in the air and he isn’t able to look at her. She swallows, arms crossing over her stomach to hug herself. “I can’t blame you for me becoming Tranquil, and I never did. That was never your blame to bear,” she says softly. “But...Kirkwall. Alrik. Karras. Meredith. All the ones that  _ touched me.  _ I can’t look at you without seeing you looking away from all of that.”

Cullen still can’t look at her, but he says softly, “You know I was struggling too. You remember Kinloch. Can we be the same people after that?”

“I know,” she replies. “And I know that there were things you protected me from. I know that you got me pulled from Meredith’s project when they started to get sick. I know a lot of what...happened to me was when I wasn’t on your guard rotation, so you had me on yours as often as possible. You tried.”

He looks at her and she can see the sorrow in him. “It wasn’t enough.”

No, it wasn’t. “You tried.” He had been no Ser Thrask, who had done everything he could for the mages and Tranquil under his care, but it was more than some. Even if only by centimeters. “It has taken me...some time to remember that.” 

Cullen leans on his desk to look at her. “And what does that mean for us?”

She swallows. “It means that I am getting used to this armor. To you. That I know you have scars too. That I can forgive an old friend. That I trust that friend to try to protect me with everything he has.”

He stares at her. “I...thank you. I do not deserve that."

"No one deserves forgiveness. It simply happens. Accept it," she replies.

His chuckle is bitter. "I will try to earn it properly. Thank you."

She smiles at him slightly. “Business now?”

“Yes,” he swallows. “Did you recognize him too?”

She nods slowly. She doesn't need to ask who he means or where she saw him. “Yes. Raleigh Samson. He begged in Lowtown. Varric says he helped smuggle mages out of Kirkwall for coin that he promptly used to buy lyrium.”

He frowns. “He was a terrible templar.”

“We can agree to disagree on what makes a good templar,” she replies, pushing past it. Delivering notes to mages, smuggling mages out of Kirkwall...not good at his job, but certainly not bad then. Now, though... “But he did cause tremendous harm to the Order, thanks to Corypheus.”

“I found where the Templars were coming from. Therinfal Redoubt. He fed the templars at Therinfal Redoubt red lyrium," he shakes his head. "You remember what it was like working close to it. Samson was an addict, but this?"

She shakes her head. “I should have tried to save them both. Mages and templars?”

“I know you would have, had we the time,” he replies softly.

“But I was afraid. I don’t know if what I did was tactics or it was because I was afraid.”

He doesn't say anything. She's sure he doesn't know the answer. “We can save them now,” he replies. “By ending Samson.”

"You are taking it personal."

"Of course I am."

She frowns at him, studying him. Then it clicks. Something about the addict comment strikes her. "You've stopped."

He blinks at her. "What? Taking it personally?"

"Taking _something,"_ she replies. "Cullen, I saw what happened to Templars who stopped taking lyrium."

He sags slightly. "Of course you notice."

"When did you stop?"  He is silent and that is answer enough. Clarice boggles at him. "How long did I not notice?"

"You were more focused on other things, Clarice. I don't blame you for it. But you must understand, after Kirkwall...I have to leave that behind. The Order behind. I will not be bound like that again. I am not that man, and I cannot be that man again."

It takes a moment to wrap her head around it. "Please tell me Cassandra knows."

"She is watching me. If I falter, I will defer to her judgement."

"I will watch too," she replies. "I'm making sure you eat. And sleep."

"You don't have to-"

"Cullen, we'll time it together." She forgets to eat sometimes. It'll help her too, and it is that concession that makes him give in.

"Alright. Thank you."

She offers him her hand. "I'll track red lyrium suppliers. We'll find Samson. Together."

Cullen stares at Clarice's hand for a moment, but eventually, he takes it and gives it a shake. 

"Together."


End file.
